A Mother's Yearning
by The Doe Eyed Girl
Summary: Masaki's POV. / My soul was devoured, but my conscience goes on, as I watch my son live out his destiny at the hands of a certain doe-eyed girl. And smile./


**Hey guys, the final angsty fic. :)**

**Next time I'll upload the first chapter of a multichap story (Thankfully its with almost no angst *phew* )**

**I honestly appreciate your sincere reviews and constructive criticism! :)**

He wanders about.

His amber orbs seeing _yet _unseeing as he treads the dusty path taking him to school.

His rough, calloused hands thrust carelessly in those grey side pockets of his trousers.

But behind this seemingly calm and usual scowling demeanour, there goes on a grey, grey turmoil of confusing thoughts, worries and musings.

The mindstorm is as grey and dull as the colour of his uniform.

I know this, because he is _my_ son.

The irony is, that I _was_ his mother.

8 years have passed since I last held my baby boy's fingers.

My soul has been devoured, but my conscience goes on. Not once since that rainy day has it left my Ichigo's side.

17th June, the rain pelted down hard on the two of us as he lay beneath me. His round, cute, boyish amber orbs widening in shock and disbelief as he took in the sight of my dead body.

That was the day the rain began.

I'd see him coming to the river bank everyday, wandering about till sunset, searching for me. When those little legs of his would give away, he'd sit down to rest for a few moments; then resume his search for me with renewed vigour. Those hopeful, _innocent_ eyes scanned the green grass in a routine manner, searching for my traces.

And I'd just watch with unfallen tears.

Tears I'd made sure he'd never see for as long as he'd be by my side. Tears which would well up on seeing Karin and Yuzu's crestfallen faces. Tears which would stream out on seeing Isshin's loving eyes staring back at my poster during those quiet evenings when he'd think that nobody was around. Tears which would painfully sting at my eyes seeing my Ichigo grow up from a bright and cheerful kid to a scowling and distant teenager.

Tears which evaporated the day a certain violet-eyed girl waltzed her way into Ichigo's life.

I watched on as the girl named Rukia entered my son's life, them greeting each other in the most unconventional ways possible.

That, that was the day I realized something.

With that newfound power to protect the ones around him, my boy had finally found his ray of light from among those grey clouds with had been raining on him since my death.

I watched on as my baby boy transformed from an impulsive ordinary boy to a heroic shinigami. Rukia stayed by his side, slowly yet steadily filling up the dark void of guilt in him left behind by me.

I watched on as I saw my son go on to vow and protect not only his loved ones, but also the needy ones. Just like Isshin.

I bore witness to the time he fought grandfisher to avenge me. And I did not miss out the way Rukia gently cradled his head on her lap.

The expression on her face and the softness in her eyes while she healed him told me that maybe, just _maybe_, my Ichigo finally had a constant in life.

I noticed the crestfallen look on his face when Rukia was forcibly taken away from him. I noticed the fiery determination in his eyes when he trained himself to protect a girl he had barely known for 2 months.

Being his mother, I noticed so much more then that.

I noticed the small but genuine smile he had on his face when he held Rukia to him, at the execution pole. Sure , it may not be the same goofy and adorable grin he'd flash me when young, but it was the closest to any sincere happiness I had seen him experience in years.

I noticed the guilty look in his eyes, those wonderful amber eyes, when he saw Rukia wounded in a battle with the Arrancars. This is the look that flashes in his eyes when he reminisces on how he could not save me.

I noticed the dead look on his face when he was informed that Rukia was dead.

I noticed the sad-very, very sad- lines and disappearing light reflected in his eyes when he lost his powers and bid farewell to Rukia.

Despite the circumstances, I smiled.

My little boy had finally grown up to a matured young man.

My little Ichigo who felt that life ended the day mommy died, had finally realized another reason to live for.

My little sun who could never escape from his inner rain, finally had a _white moon_ come dry the rain.

Maybe, just maybe, my little son had finally found _his Masaki_.

And so, as I look at the now aloof caricature of my 17 year old son, I smile.

And pray for a certain Rukia to come back to him.

Please, Rukia-chan, com back to my son.

He needs you to join him in sync while he goes step by step, in keeping up with the speed of this…unfair world.


End file.
